Day 24: What is your opinion on alternative treatments or treatments that aren’t commonly used? (Some examples are: EMDR, hypnotherapy, herbal or vitamin supplements, acupuncture, massage therapy, art, music, or recreational therapy,ECT, VNS, TMS, DBS)
Obviously, we are working with issues of the mind here. And the mind is a powerful thing. You can see this when testing drugs for any type of illness – placebo effect. If taking vitamins, getting a massage, writing, dancing, or whatever helps you feel better, make progress and work towards recovery, I’m all for it. In all of the years of searching for a cure for my chronic migraines, I have often said, “If you want to do a voo doo dance around my bed and have me stand on my head for an hour a day, I’ll do it, as long as I feel better!” And I mean that. I will try just about anything to get better, get rid of the pain, escape the fear, etc. And if somebody thinks what you are doing isn’t helping or isn’t worth it, tell them what Eric Cartman would tell them – “Whatever, whatever, I DO WHAT I WANT!” 🙂
Day 23: What is your opinion on therapy? (It can be any type, some examples are: group therapy, talk therapy, social skills training, exposure therapy, ERP, DBT,CBT, ACT, marital counseling, and many more)
Therapy saved my life. I don’t mean that lightly – had I not started therapy, I would have pushed away every single important person in my life and ended up spending my life being miserable and unhappy. I see a psychologist every 2 weeks (thought, last week she told me that between now and December – which is what I’m scheduled through, she wants me to work on getting down to just 1 visit per month!!) We do both CBT and ERP. Absolutely, ERP is the #1 therapy for OCD. Being exposed to that which you fear and realizing that life isn’t just one big worst case scenario, helps you to realize how illogical and sometimes ridiculous your obsessions and compulsions are. Is ERP fun? Absolutely not. But it’s part of the healing process and it’s necessary.
I think that any therapy that helps you make progress and work towards recovery is worth doing. Find what works for you and STICK WITH IT! 🙂
Day 22: What is your opinion on medication used to treat mental illness(es)?
When I first began CBT in January, I was completely opposed to medication. I had been on anti-epilepsy and anti-seizure drugs when I was on the hunt for relief from my chronic migraines and they made me unbearable. I felt miserable and I was miserable to be around. And the worst part was, I didn’t get any relief for the migraines. With this awful experience on my mind, I was very adverse to any conversation having to do with medication for OCD.
After about 8 months of treatment, I had made progress but was still struggling more than was necessary. My therapist suggested I think about it and look into my options, just for the information. I did my research and some serious thinking and decided that it was stupid to not give myself the chance to get better, faster. I started Zoloft in August and I’ve only had my dosage increased once. I have Ativan for panic attacks or when I know ahead of time that I’m going to be in a very stressful situation, like flying or an interview, for example.
I do think that oftentimes, doctors are quick to prescribe medications before they really get to know the patient’s issue(s) and I would lean more toward over-prescribing than under-prescribing. But I also feel like so many people abuse the system to gain the medications they want. I think that medication is such a difficult topic and decision that it really needs to be made on an individual basis but with the assistance of therapists, MD’s, family or other support system. Medication is not a decision to take lightly, as it often takes a long time to find the right drug, dosage or combination to maximize the benefit. Not to mention the potential side effects, the long ramp-up period for SSRI’s and the commitment it takes to ween yourself off the drug when you decide to come off of it. If the benefit outweighs the risks/side effects, I think it’s worth a shot. If not, try a different approach. The important thing is not to give up. Keep fighting!
Day 21: Many people say stress triggers symptoms, do you agree or disagree?
Stress does trigger some of my symptoms, but it doesn’t trigger all of them. For example, when I’m stressed because I have a lot of work/events/classes/etc, I obsess over being perfect and not missing anything, failing to do my best, etc and I have the compulsion to have everything under control. I will plan my days down to the minute, color code my calendar, and have a breakdown if I run off schedule. But that type of stress doesn’t trigger my obsessions over safety. In fact, I tend to be so wrapped up in whatever else I’m stressed about that I frequently forget to double lock the car or check that the lights are off. My brain is so preoccupied with whatever I’m stressed about that it doesn’t even have the time to doubt, and therefore, doesn’t have time to obsess. However, you could argue that the stress over something is an obsession. Overall, I think that stress does trigger my OCD, just not all of it. And for that, I’m thankful.
Day 20: Where do you get your support?
I get my support mostly from my family, friends and coworkers. My husband is my biggest supporter – going to therapy with me, putting up with my sometimes illogical and annoying habits, and listening to all of my craziness. He is the best guy I know. My mom, dad, sister and brother-in-law are so patient and listen to what’s going on with me and try to understand and help. They try to understand something that is completely illogical and are my best cheerleaders. And my nephew….he may only be 2 years old but he’s one of the biggest motivations for me to get better. My extended family checks up on me and lets me know that they are thinking of me. My friends always make sure that there is at least one thing I can eat at their house, while encouraging me to try new foods. They coax me out of my comfort zone while knowing where to stop. Sometimes, it’s just the simple text message from a friend that lives 1200 miles away saying, “I’m thinking of you and I hope you’re doing okay.” I read blogs and I find a lot of comfort in knowing that I’m not alone. I have a fantastic therapist who I adore and who helps me improve with each visit. I have an incredibly supportive boss who lets me work my schedule around going to therapy, who never doubts my ability and who is caring and compassionate on my bad days. I get most of my support from the people I surround myself with – and if you’re not supportive or at least positive in your conversations with me, I don’t need you around.
I am so lucky to have such an awesome support system – They are a huge part of my success.
Day 19: Have you ever read a self-help book or a book related to psychology? What is your opinion on them? If you have read them do you have a favorite?
I read “The OCD Workbook” by Bruce Hyman and Cherry Pedrick. I bought this book off Amazon after a deal I made with my husband on New Year’s Eve 2012. I read the book and realized that I needed to see a therapist. I thought the book was great but I just felt like my issues were bigger than the book could handle.
I’m also about halfway through “Brain Lock” by Jeffrey Schwartz on the recommendation of my therapist. I found it very slow and hard to keep interest, despite it’s premise being really great. It describes the issues with OCD in terms of a transmission. You get stuck in a certain gear and you have to learn to be able to move the gears yourself in order to “unstick” your brain. The book does repeat itself….A LOT, but I do feel like it’s a worthwhile book to read.
I bought “The OCD Answer Book” by Patrick McGrath but I haven’t started reading it yet. I heard Dr. McGrath speak at the OCD conference this year in Atlanta and found him fascinating and brilliant. He is a wonderful speaker and I bought his book after sitting through 2 sessions with him. I look forward to reading it.
I haven’t really read much, but that is mostly because I haven’t had the time. I hope to be able to read a little bit more this winter.
Day 18: What do you wish people would understand in regards to mental illness and/or mental health?
I wish that people would realize:
This is not easy
I can’t just “snap out of it”
My parents aren’t responsible for my OCD
My brain is wired differently – this is not a choice
I know that it’s illogical – you don’t have to tell me that
I’m not a child – you don’t have to treat me with kid gloves
I’m an adult with feelings – treat me with respect
The mentally ill are not violent
We are not “crazy”
We are not a danger to society
We do contribute to society – we aren’t lazy and faking it for attention
Trying to cause my anxiety and asking if it bothers me is not being concerned – it’s being rude and childish
Just because I have OCD doesn’t mean that I wash my hands 100x per day
OCD is a disorder – I’m not just a type A person
My husband is not “a saint” for being married to/putting up with me – that’s just rude and underestimates the love we have for each other
Your jokes about mental health, mental illness, OCD, “crazy people”, etc are NOT funny
Just because I graduated from Georgia Tech doesn’t mean that I “can’t possibly have a mental illness”
Playing games with me by rearranging my things to see if I notice are NOT funny – it’s incredibly rude
Lastly, treat us with respect. If you were in my shoes, you would want me to treat you the same way.
Day 17: If you could get rid of your mental illness(es) would you? Why or why not?
I don’t know what happened to this post. I wrote it yesterday and posted it and now it has disappeared and published itself without any words. Very frustrating. I’ll try to remember what I wrote yesterday.
I struggle with this because I have said many times that if I could rid myself of this invisible monster, I would do it. But it’s not that easy. I don’t know a time when I haven’t had OCD. I don’t know how to be without it. It’s a part of who I am. Are there parts of OCD I would love to rid myself of? Absolutely. I would love to be free of the anxiety and the fear of everything. But I feel like some of my best assets are tied to my OCD. My ability to analyze, solve puzzles, organize like a champ and have a drive for success – those I don’t want to lose.
I think it’s one of those bittersweet situations. I love some of the characteristics of my OCD, but I hate others. But I think it’s possible to be rid of the anxiety and fear, but keep the good aspects. And that’s what I’m working on.
Day 16: How many people are you “out” to with your mental illness(es)? Why?
This one is interesting. About 4 months after my diagnosis, my family knew, my close friends knew, and my boss knew, but I decided that wasn’t enough. I came out on Facebook only 4 months after my diagnosis. I decided the day before that I was going to post it, and I won’t lie, I was nervous about the potential backlash. I was afraid of the negative comments – and I didn’t get the first one. Instead, I got 30 “likes” and almost 15 comments. I got private messages, text messages, and emails. People reached out to me about their mental health struggles, all because I started the dialogue and I came out of the shadows. Now, I post about the OCD conference and OCD Awareness Week on Facebook, and I have come out to a few work friends. I find that the more people I tell, the more people are educated about what mental illness and OCD really are and how debilitating they can be. But I also show them that I’m just like everyone else – I go to work, I’m successful, I’m funny (or so I’ve been told), I’m just like them. I’m not scary, I’m not threatening to kill them – I’m just like them, except that I struggle internally (and sometimes externally – hello panic attacks!) with an invisible monster that makes my day-to-day life more difficult. By seeing that I can function daily and that I’m an asset at work, at home, with friends, everywhere – I’m showing what it means to live with mental illness. We aren’t hiding in the shadows. We aren’t just the homeless man on the street talking to himself. We aren’t what the media portrays us to be. We are just like you. We are in your workplaces, your churches, your groups of friends, your trivia teams, your PTA’s, your neighborhoods and your families. By teaching others that this isn’t something to be feared, we break barriers and we destroy stigma. Because if I tell two friends, and they tell two friends, before you know it, the world is a more compassionate and tolerant place.*
*I feel like I should be smiling and waving like a Barbie doll at the Miss America pageant. “YAY for World Peace!” 🙂
Day 15: How has your life been effected by your illness(es)? (Some ideas are: relationships, career, school)
Every aspect of my life has been impacted by my OCD. Every day activities like showering, getting dressed, driving and eating are made more difficult than necessary because of my OCD. It almost ruined my marriage, it’s caused some relationships and friendships to crumble, I struggled through all levels of school with perfectionism, and it has prevented me from furthering my career. For the last year and 7 months that I have been at my current job, I have struggled to put myself out there, apply for things, volunteer and be heard. I was afraid to speak up, to ask questions and to network – because I didn’t want to be rejected. This is why I only applied to Georgia Tech and a backup school when I really wanted to attend Harvard from the time I was in middle school. If I don’t apply, they can’t reject me. Same thing with my career – if I just keep my head down and work hard, eventually I’ll be recognized. But after a few months of therapy and a lot of realizing that I was only hurting myself, I started speaking up and being my own advocate for advancement. Now, I’ve been promoted, I’m more social, I get invited to lunch and people come to me for help and questions.
My entire life I’ve battled this invisible monster, and for 25 years, it has thoroughly kicked my ass. But the thing is, I wasn’t battling it – I was enabling it. I was feeding it, allowing it to get larger and larger until it consumed me. The saying goes, “it’s always darkest before the dawn.” And for me, I had to hit a point of “no return,” where I couldn’t justify the things it was taking from me daily, where I couldn’t fall any further, where I finally had to face the facts and quit kidding myself. My OCD has touched every single part of my life, but I don’t think you can undo that. It’s like having a smoking section in a restaurant, or a peeing section in a pool – eventually, it’s all going to be contaminated. My therapy and my medication are just the hazmat crew coming in to contain the virus and clean it up. Maybe that’s what my brain needs – a good scrub down and a lot of TLC. 🙂
Remember to Breathe... 