Days like today (and weeks like this one), make me so thankful of how far I’ve progressed in my recovery. To put it mildly, the last few days have been absolute shit. I’m so glad that they are over and I’m hoping the rest of the week will go smoothly and without the giant bumps and bruises of yesterday and today. But, if this had been 2 or more years ago, back before I had started therapy or even been diagnosed, I wouldn’t have been able to function. I would have been curled in a ball on my bed crying because the anxiety would be absolutely crippling. I would be, to put it frankly, completely useless. But instead of being a useless sack of shit today, I pulled myself together, accepted the situation and moved forward. I’m really proud of myself for that. It’s one of the things that you don’t really even notice until you take a step back and say “Wow, I would have fallen apart before.” Two years ago, I could barely fathom an hour without the relentless thoughts and had no idea how to survive without rituals. And yet, two short years later, here I stand.
And seeing as I’ve got two years of therapy and progress under my belt, I’m not sure what I want to do with this blog. I started it in the hopes of putting onto paper, so to speak, my struggle and my triumphs so that I could look back and remember how far I had come. I wanted to connect with others and read their journeys through the grips of OCD. I wanted to share my story in hopes of inspiring others. I feel like I’ve done what I wanted to do with this blog, as well as getting what I wanted to get out of the experience. I’m not sure if I want to just change it up or if I want to shut it down. I’m proud of it, but I think I’ve grown past it. Yes, I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but it’s not the only thing I want to talk about. In fact, it’s usually the last thing I want to talk about. I enjoy traveling the world, reading fantastic books, learning about wine and spending time with friends and family. I love going to the ballet, listening to Jimmy Buffett music and I love really good sushi. I love my life exactly how it is, and lately, that’s been without the constant cloud of OCD hanging above me. Whatever I decide to do, this is definitely the end of a chapter in my life. Obviously, I will continue to battle my OCD, whether on a small or large scale, for the rest of my life. But for now, I just want to enjoy the freedom and the new life I’ve been given by being free of OCD.
I wish you all the best of luck and much success. I hope everyone continues to fight and continues to heal. Just remember to breathe, and everything will be okay. 🙂