Day 9: What are some of the important events in your life, that may have effected your mental illness(es) for the worse or better? 

Negative Impacts: 
-When my grandfather died, I lost all grip I had on reality. I was devastated. This point in my life is when my OCD exploded.
-I get cold sores on/around my nose (it’s a genetic thing) and I was teased a lot about it growing up. Because of this, I am extremely self-conscious (even when my face isn’t broken out) and I insist that my appearance be perfect.
-Georgia Tech – my entire time there was amazing and terrifying. I would have a meltdown and subsequent sob-fest with my mom on the phone at least once a semester. 

Positive Impacts:
-Accepted to and graduated from the Georgia Institute of Technology – thanks to my perfectionism
-Our wedding – this forced me to realize that everything wasn’t going to be perfect and that I was going to have to accept that. I was surprisingly able to keep my perfectionism obsession in check during this time.
-Coaching high school lacrosse this past Spring taught me that these girls are not pawns in my giant game of manipulation, they are people and I have to treat them with respect. This made me keep my obsession for order controlled. (Kind of an oxymoron, but I’ll allow it)
-The birth of my nephew: He is one of the biggest reasons why I am in therapy and working toward recovery. He was afraid of me when he was a few months old because I was so anxious around him. Now, he tells me he loves me and gives me hugs and kisses. He asks for my husband and I all the time. He is the best thing to ever happen to me. 

I found this post difficult to write because I feel like my OCD has impacted almost every aspect of my life, but it was more difficult to see the impacts of my life on my OCD. I guess I’m just used to blaming OCD for the things in my life instead of blaming my life for its effects on my OCD. Weird.