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Six years ago today we lost the best guy I’ve known – my Pappap. Today we mourn the loss of a man who will be remembered not for his fame or fortune, nor his contributions to science or humanity. We will remember him for his love, generosity, kindness and compassion, even if you didn’t deserve it. In the last 6 months, I’ve learned so much about his life that I didn’t know before. And I feel even closer to him than I did before because we are linked by a deeper bond. My grandfather suffered with OCD. In fact, so did his father, which makes me a fourth generation of OCD sufferers in my family. And that, in some small way, gives me so much comfort. I’ve been angry for a long time about his death and about what happened afterward. But finally, six years later, I’m at peace and I will spend today celebrating his life and missing him more than ever, but I won’t be angry. I feel like he would be so proud of me and all that I’ve become. I know that he would be even more proud of me for getting help for something that has plagued my family for the entirety of the 20th century.

So Pappap, if you can read this or hear the words in my heart, I want you to know that I’m finally getting myself together and I know that the best is yet to come. And I know that forever, you’ll be watching me and protecting me, just like you did before. And I want you to know that I miss you everyday and I love you more than words can say. Thank you for teaching me the most important lesson of all: Babydoll, learn to let it go.

I love you

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